i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
I forget how to act sober
Randomize