Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
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