don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
