May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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