I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
