I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
