when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
