his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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