my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize