Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
You left your phone here
Wait...
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
