I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
