The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
