Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
