when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
