i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
