My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
