just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
