the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
