It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
