yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
