and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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