you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
