SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
