Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
