just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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