I think my fart just growled at me.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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