My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Randomize
