im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
