i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
and you fell through a lawn chair
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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