We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
