just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
