the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
