oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
