im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
