How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Be still, my beating vagina.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Send help, water and tortillas.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Randomize
