lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Randomize
