so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
