i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize