trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
