Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
