Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
