Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
