pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize