i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize