I looked at my own cervix.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Randomize
