OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
