Welp...herpes.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
