I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
