i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
