oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
