see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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