i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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