If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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