I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize