Moan for me like Helen Keller
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
