I just threw up on my dentist
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
