Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
