took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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