The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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