I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
