There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
