To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Randomize
