I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
