the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
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