Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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