Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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